To go, or not to go.

I have been meaning to start this blog for a long time now, but more so over the past few months while my heart and head have been in perpetual turmoil and war.

For the last year and a half, I have been living in Berlin, and loving it. This city is as grand as the rumors suggest and the stories promise. It has given me the setting to naturally release the person inside I was hiding away for so long, a distant spark lost to insecurities.

Now, in a month, I am leaving to go back to New Zealand, to where I grew up and call home.

I'm scared, nervous, excited, happy, sad, conflicted, worried. I can't wait, yet I could happily stay. All these emotions and thoughts have been plaguing me for the last few months since I made the decision and purchased the tickets, and I fear the feelings will never really leave.

Tonight I was out with two good friends and found myself thinking on the walk home, 'Why am I choosing to leave these people behind?' Leaving the friends I have made here is the hardest part. Berlin will always be here, sure it will change, but I can always return. My friends on the other hand will not be just a  bike ride away.

I'm gutted.

BUT,

I would rather know these people, call them friends, and miss them horribly than not know them at all.

Foggy December views on the stroll home

well now.

So I'm stuck on how to start this and too tired to figure out how to post a cool introductory picture, so i shall post a poem.

I have only recently stumbled across this poem and its creator, Christina Reihill.Hope you like it.

Little Red Riding Hood

Once upon a time
I was you
Keeping secret
Being True

What happened child
Of golden hair
What happened then
I wasn't there

Running wild
Laughing free
Bursting sun
You reached for me

But another won your heart
That day
A smiling lie
Danced your way

You followed him
Into a wood
No one saw
The wolf in hood

And now you stand
And stare at me
Your frock is stained
Your knees are green

How do i hold your hand and stay
How do I heal
That death
In May

This day
This night
This hour
Long due

This ink
This page
This prayer
For you...