To go, or not to go.

I have been meaning to start this blog for a long time now, but more so over the past few months while my heart and head have been in perpetual turmoil and war.

For the last year and a half, I have been living in Berlin, and loving it. This city is as grand as the rumors suggest and the stories promise. It has given me the setting to naturally release the person inside I was hiding away for so long, a distant spark lost to insecurities.

Now, in a month, I am leaving to go back to New Zealand, to where I grew up and call home.

I'm scared, nervous, excited, happy, sad, conflicted, worried. I can't wait, yet I could happily stay. All these emotions and thoughts have been plaguing me for the last few months since I made the decision and purchased the tickets, and I fear the feelings will never really leave.

Tonight I was out with two good friends and found myself thinking on the walk home, 'Why am I choosing to leave these people behind?' Leaving the friends I have made here is the hardest part. Berlin will always be here, sure it will change, but I can always return. My friends on the other hand will not be just a  bike ride away.

I'm gutted.

BUT,

I would rather know these people, call them friends, and miss them horribly than not know them at all.

Foggy December views on the stroll home